Companioning Those in Grief IS NO SMALL FEAT

I have been a licensed psychotherapist for many years now and own a private practice in Missouri. At one time, my business was affiliated with Baue Funeral Homes that provid ed aftercare for families through individual counseling and group therapy. Companioning families through grief and loss has been the focus of much of my practice. Long after services are completed, families need a safe place to navigate their grief. Grief needs to be witnessed. We provide education and advocacy by providing the tools needed to find a new normal. There are a few tenets that we use to educate those in mourn ing: There is no timeline to grief. Grief can be complicated, and it changes. Rituals provide a place for grief to be witnessed. I have taught these tenets as a psychotherapist and grief educa tor. I sit with those who are in their darkest places and let them know they are not alone. Many others who are in end-of-life care do this same work.

I have had the honor of working in death care alongside those in hospice and funeral homes throughout my career. In a room full of women who work in a funeral home, you will hear many discussions: the stories of families that made an impact on them, women troubleshooting logistics, a discus sion of vendors, and creative ideas to help families mourn the loss of their loved one. It is clear that women have a difficult time turning off this purposeful work at the end of the day. The passion for serving families and creating meaningful vi gnettes for those who have died far exceeds the time in a day. 

With high expectations of themselves and the high de mands of the role, women tend to put their heart and soul into this work. I have seen many women who want to make a dif ference and attempt to make the process as seamless as possi ble for families. This creates a great amount of pressure. When there are staff shortages, a high volume of calls, and families that have complicated dynamics, this can lead to a high rate of burnout and caregiver fatigue. It is important to create an environment that accommodates stress and provides a safe space for employees to stay grounded and connected to each other and their work. If firms want to retain their employees, educating staff about self-care and creating an environment of learning, tolerance, and kindness is critical. 

Along with my work in private practice, I led many psycho educational seminars for those in helping professions such as clergy, social workers, funeral directors and embalmers, and those in hospice care. Much of the seminars’ content was dedicated to finding small spots of self-care. That might mean meal prepping, moving your body in between appointments, or creating a jamming playlist with all of your favorite tunes that make you smile. Finding joy and wonderment might be on a hike, a piece of art, or a beautiful cumulus cloud in the sky. Being curious and open to these moments may seem inconsequential, but they are important when coping with a high-stress environment such as those in death care.

This is part of why Funeral Women Lead created the Leadership Academy. Funeral Women Lead is dedicated to providing a community of women who can learn from each other, and also get the necessary tools to stay in a fulfilling career with a desire to thrive. This is a place where they can get the support and validation they need.

As the Dean of the Leadership Academy for Funeral Women Lead, I have been awestruck by the women who have enrolled in the program. A few are business owners that are wanting to gain skills in mentorship and public speaking. A few are new to the industry and are using the academy to network and learn about the business of aftercare. And some enrolled in the academy to learn how to stay in the funeral industry while combating burnout and fatigue. All of these women have a common theme: they deeply care about the families they serve, and they have a strong sense of purpose. These women want to help their communities.  

In the Leadership Academy, women from Canada and across the United States are represented. Monthly sessions also focus on mindfulness, meditation, and ways to decom press. Those in death care need to restore balance. Laughter and connection are crucial. Grief and loss can be an isolating experience, and it can be isolating for those who are adjacent to it every day. Finding like-minded people and linking up with them can help with feelings of depression, anxiety, and overwhelm. Connection and community can serve as an an chor for women who especially feel alone in their firms.

Working in funeral service and sitting with people in their pain requires emotional attunement and sturdiness. Many times, we have to be willing to sit in our own pain and dis comfort to truly sit with others. This requires self-discipline, self-advocacy, and boundaries. These things are rarely taught in mortuary school or apprenticeship programs. Burnout and compassion fatigue are plaguing the field, so it is important to give practical guides on how to practice better sleep hygiene, mindfulness, and commit to better health and wellness.  

By attempting to create overall wellness amongst the death care field, employees will be able to show up fully for their families. They will also be able to show up for themselves in a way that they didn’t know how to before. By extending ourselves radical self-compassion, we allow ourselves to be fully human. We learn from our mistakes, and we show up for others in that same empathy and compassion. Audre Lorde, an activist, writer, and professor, once said, “We are all in the process of becoming.” This field of work creates multiple opportunities to continue to become.  

If you do not have access to the Leadership Academy or an adjacent group, I would encourage you to find others who share your passion. Community and advocacy are the antithesis of isolation and loneliness. Together, we can create a space that doesn’t look away when people are hurting. We show up in the way that they need long after services are complete.