Allaying the Fears of Future Funeral Directors

Before I transitioned from funeral directing to teaching, my dominant role at the funeral home was being a funeral
director who met families and directed funerals rather than embalming, even though I was educated and licensed to
work in both sides of the business. This was a good fit for my skills, and I loved it. That experience is also one of the
reasons that I understand the desire for split licensing, while I normally lean towards a dual license, because that was
my route to the profession. I benefited from that education even when I wasn’t using all of it every day in my job.

Once students decide they want to go to mortuary school,
they may not know how much of the business they want
to do or where they will excel. Many students say they see
themselves in the preparation area instead of meeting with
families, but I watch as their preferences often shift in favor
of one aspect over another during their education. Since my
job aligned more with the “front of the house” activities of funeral
service practice, I’m sensitive to the fears that students
have about becoming a funeral director working primarily in
that capacity.
I recently asked students in my Funeral Directing course
what their concerns were about being a funeral director
because I want to address those concerns in my teaching.
I summarized those statements into six categories to identify
key areas of concern from a group of future funeral directors
and what educators and practitioners can do to allay
those fears.

EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL WELLBEING
Mental wellness is a top concern for many first-generation
mortuary science students. Those who grew up in a funeral
home already know the demands the profession can have on a
family. Sons and daughters watched their parents take funerals
during the weekend or had to postpone holiday events to
wait for a parent to finish arrangements with a family before
they could open presents. Those students know what they are
signing up to do, but the predominant number of students
who decide to pursue funeral service practice aren’t coming
from a multi-generational firm. They don’t yet know what to
expect, even though we explain in advance of their admission
and during the program that death keeps inconvenient and
unpredictable hours.
Students are aware that they will encounter difficult situations
with families—no one disputes that—but they have
concerns about how multiple interactions of back-to-back
challenges will affect them. There is constant discussion
among funeral directors about burnout, and students see it
in some of the practitioners they encounter at funeral homes.
They also see funeral directors continue to push through at
the expense of their wellness. That is concerning. If no one
is telling a practitioner they need a break, to step away for a
long weekend to refresh, students may be wondering if anyone
will advocate for them at the funeral home after they get
their license.
Students are watching practitioners in a similar way that a
child observes social interactions to determine how to behave.
If licensees are sacrificing themselves emotionally, talking
about feeling burned out while simultaneously doing nothing
to help themselves, it’s sending a message that this suffering is
just part of the job. That may discourage students before they
get licensed. It may turn them away from funeral service.

PROFESSIONAL COMPETENCY AND CONFIDENCE
Every graduate enters their first funeral director job with a
clean slate and wants their work to be perfect. I suspect even
an initial attitude of arrogance or confidence may be concealing
underlying insecurity in a newly licensed director. The
reality is that students are concerned about doing or saying
the wrong things or forgetting key details in an arrangement
conference. Those concerns foster anxiousness around making
mistakes in something students care about and know is
important to get right.
There are times when a student will continue to try to do
things on their own and not ask for help when they need to.
When I ask why they didn’t ask for help, the answer is usually,
“I wanted to show that I could figure it out on my own,” or “I
didn’t want to bother you.”
The only way students are going to develop into competent
funeral directors is if educators, preceptors, and funeral
home personnel let students know that they are expected to
not know a few things and should be asking questions when
they need help. Students need to know they aren’t a bother
when they are still learning. Instead of putting a student or
new funeral director on the spot to make an announcement
at the end of a service or deliver a prayer at the grave, practitioners
should model how to do it first and give students
an opportunity to prepare and practice beforehand so they
can build their confidence. This will also increase the chance
that they will do it well, or at least not embarrass themselves,
when the time comes.

INTERACTING WITH FAMILIES
Families are complex and dynamic, and a death in a family
can ratchet up the good and bad conduct between family
members. It’s hard enough when it is your own family, but
when an inexperienced funeral director is sitting in front
of a family that they’ve never met, it can be intimidating.
Students are concerned they won’t be able to appropriately
handle a difficult family or be able to build rapport when they
are focused on getting all the necessary information.
It is difficult to prepare a student for what they will encounter
when they begin making funeral arrangements on
their own because every family is unique. I share my stories—
some are doozies—with students during class to give them
an idea of what I did wrong or didn’t know how to handle as
a new licensee. No one could prepare me for those moments
because they were unknowable, and I was still learning how
to do the job (see competency).
What my coworkers did was walk me through how to handle
each difficult family until I could figure it out on my own. They
gave me advice on how to ask for payment, what not to budge
on, and what to do if things escalated. In doing these things,
I also learned how to gain a family’s trust and build rapport.

PRACTICAL CHALLENGES
The public has no idea how much paperwork or administrative
time goes along with each funeral arrangement. What
I did on a typewriter and hand-written, triple-carbon contracts
has been streamlined today. I tell students they have it
easy compared to how it used to be done. That said, students
must still learn how to complete the necessary paperwork
to issue a proper contract, submit an insurance assignment,
file a death certificate, fill out VA forms, order merchandise,
complete authorizations, etc.
These things are second nature to a competent funeral director,
but it took practice to get to that point. Practitioners forget
that it wasn’t always easy to fill out those forms, learn new
client management software, or move to an electronic death
registration system. When students are learning, it takes
them longer to complete work. There are tight deadlines, and
a seasoned practitioner may step in to do the tasks instead
of allowing the new funeral director more time to complete
them. This “step aside” approach can make a student or new
licensee feel like they are disappointing or can’t keep up.
They may doubt their ability to do the job at all when what
they need is more time, practice, and patience.

CAREER OPPORTUNITY
Career transitions are stressful, particularly if students
are in a job they enjoy but isn’t what they’re going to school
to do. It’s comfortable not to leave a job where someone may
be an expert to enter a profession where they will start from
scratch again.
Apprenticeships may not always pay well or be available,
depending on the size of the funeral home and location. Financial
aid debt concerns students, and they want to know
that they will be able to pay their bills once they graduate.
They also want to have money left over to save and buy a
home, car, or take a vacation (see mental well-being).
Funeral home owners would do well to hire a mortuary
science student to begin mentoring them for an apprenticeship.
This could also be an opportunity for a conversation
about future compensation, vacation, work schedule, or possible
tuition assistance in exchange for a guaranteed length
of employment. It takes a lot of pressure off a student to know
there is a job waiting for them upon licensure.

DIVERSITY AND PROFESSIONAL CULTURE
There are more women than men entering funeral service.
It has trended this way for several years. What I didn’t see
much of in previous years is a culturally diverse interest in
the funeral service profession.
I’m pleased to see this changing. A broader background of
students is choosing funeral service as a career, which I believe-

will strengthen the heritage ties between funeral homes and
the families they serve. These future funeral directors want
to be the person who can assist families within their cultural
communities, because students are noticing an underrepresentation
of their religion and language at funeral homes.
A wide spectrum of religious views and language abilities
will be an asset to funeral homes and create a more welcoming
environment for those families who might otherwise
choose an online system to make funeral arrangements rather
than go into the local funeral home to speak to a director
they think won’t be able to relate to their needs. It will also
expand the workforce pool of applicants for employers who
are willing to embrace them.

SOLUTION: KIND MENTORSHIP
These concerns and fears are not much different than the
concerns I had 23 years ago. I am a first-generation funeral
director. I entered funeral service when women were just
about to tip the scales for who was graduating most from
mortuary school. I certainly did not have the skills I needed
once I graduated to immediately jump in on my own to make
funeral arrangements, direct funerals, write an obituary, or
use a typewriter. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
What I lacked in experience, my coworkers made up for in
kindness as they guided me through each process to become
a competent funeral director. I’m sure there were times they
were frustrated with me, but they didn’t let me know it. When
I had to have a difficult conversation with a family member,
my coworkers held the net while I walked the high wire. I
was expected to do the job, but they were there if something
went wrong. That support was everything. It gave me the
confidence to do hard things because I knew help was there
if I needed it.
The future of funeral service must be rooted in kindness
and the willingness to welcome new licensees of all backgrounds
into the profession, caring for their well-being and
success, and understanding how their concerns aren’t unreasonable
or even that different from where each of us started.
If we are listening, these future funeral directors might teach
us something, too.

Lauren Budrow is an Assistant Professor for
Wayne State University’s Mortuary Science
Program. Originally from Indiana, she
graduated from Vincennes University with
her associate degree in Mortuary Science
and earned an MBA from Butler University.
Lauren has been a licensed funeral director
for 23 years. She transitioned to teaching
funeral service education in 2011and has been an instructor at WSU

for the last eight years.Detroit, Michigan,is home.