MENTORING: A Mutually Beneficial Relationship

MENTOR, BRYANT HIGHTOWER

How do you create a successful mentor and mentee relationship?

The foundation of a successful mentor-mentee relationship is built on mutual trust. Mutual trust is essential; both parties must feel secure in sharing their thoughts, experiences, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. This trust establishes a safe environment for learning and professional growth. As a mentor, I share a range of information I perceive to be valuable and personal experiences with my mentee. The mentee must handle this information responsibly and respectfully, maintaining the confidentiality of our discussions. This trust is key for fostering growth and open communication throughout our mentoring journey.

Understanding each other’s perspectives is crucial for fostering strong relationships. Everyone comes from diverse backgrounds and experiences that shape their views and behaviors. Acknowledging and respecting these differences can significantly enhance our connections. For instance, in my mentor-mentee relationships with my daughters, I find it particularly important to consider their generational perspectives and how these views influence their understanding of the world. Growing up in a different era, they have unique interactions with their peers that differ greatly from my own experiences. Their communication styles, values, and approaches to problem-solving often reflect the trends and challenges of their generation. Additionally, their perceptions of various situations—be it social interactions, academic pressures, or personal relationships—may not al ways align with mine. This disparity can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or conflicts. Therefore, it is essential that I remain open-minded and actively listen to their viewpoints. By doing so, I can better appreciate their thought processes and the reasons behind their decisions. While we may not always agree on everything, each interaction is an opportunity to learn from each other. I can gain insight into the complexities of their world, and in turn, I can share my experiences and wisdom. Engaging in this reciprocal learning not only enriches our relationships but also builds a foundation of mutual respect and understanding that can last a lifetime.

What benefits do you receive from being a mentor?

A mentor-mentee relationship is a mutual exchange of knowledge and experience. When my oldest daughter, Cason, embarked on her career in the funeral service industry in 2017, she entered the field with a unique background. Although she had grown up in the funeral profession, she was unfamiliar with the daily operations and responsibilities that came with it

Cason arrived at our firm equipped with skills she had developed through multiple academic degrees and her prior career in a different industry. This diverse background allowed her to approach challenges with a fresh perspective. She proposed original ideas and strategies that she was eager to implement, which sparked valuable discussions within our team. Over the years, Cason has not only introduced new methods and practices but has also shared insights that have enriched my understanding of the funeral profession. Our interactions have created an active learning environment where we both draw from each other’s knowledge. As a result, we’ve been able to adapt and incorporate some of her ideas into our operations, fostering growth and improvement for the firm.

What do you feel are the traits of a successful mentor?

I believe honesty and understanding relationship dynamics are essential for a successful mentor. A mentor should create a safe and supportive environment where the mentee feels comfortable sharing thoughts without fear of judgment. Approaching interactions with an open mind and considering the mentee’s suggestions fosters collaboration, empowering the mentee and prompting mentors to reflect on their methods. This process enhances effectiveness and encourages personal growth. Ultimately, fostering mutual respect and open dialogue leads to more meaningful mentor-mentee relationships.

How to get the most out of your mentor relationship?

A mentor-mentee relationship is not formed in just a few coffee sessions; it often takes years of intentional effort to cultivate. If you’re fortunate, the dynamic may shift over time, allowing the roles to reverse. For instance, there are times during our workday when I approach Cason with questions about personalization for families or seek her opinion on various business operations. While I continue to mentor her and she still comes to me with questions, we both switch between the roles of mentor and mentee several times throughout an average workday.

Is there a difference between mentoring and coaching?

I believe there is a difference between coaching and mentoring. Coaching typically involves a formalized relationship in which a coach works with an individual to address specific objectives, skills, or challenges. This relationship is often structured around clear goals and measurable outcomes. On the other hand, a mentor-mentee relationship is generally more reflective and personal. This type of relationship often extends beyond just skill development; it nurtures personal growth, career guidance, and an exchange of experiences. Mentors provide support, wisdom, and advice based on their journeys, fostering a deeper connection that can inspire and influence the mentee in various aspects of life

Should a mentorship be informal or formal?

Mentorship can take on both formal and informal styles, and the appropriate approach often depends on the dynamics of the personal relationship between the mentor and mentee. Initially, it may be beneficial to adopt a more formal structure, especially within a professional setting, to establish clear expectations, goals, and boundaries. As the relationship evolves and trust develops, the level of formality can gradually diminish, allowing for a more relaxed and open dialogue. This shift can foster deeper connections and facilitate a richer exchange of ideas and experiences, ultimately enhancing the value of mentorship

What are the most important responsibilities of a mentor?

The most important responsibility of a mentor is to prioritize the best interests of their mentee above all else. In my role as a mentor, I consistently focus on the well-being and development of those I guide, whether it’s my daughter or a young professional pursuing a career in funeral service while in mortuary school. I take the time to understand their individual aspirations, challenges, and strengths. This allows me to hopefully provide them with the support and encouragement they need to navigate their journey and ensure they have the tools and confidence they need to succeed in this profession.

What advantages (or disadvantages) are there in being a mentor to one of your children?

As a parent or someone involved in parenting, you naturally take on the vital role of a mentor in your children’s lives. This responsibility is significant because the guidance you provide shapes their development, values, and outlook on life. As a dad, my role is not just a job; it is the most fulfilling experience of my life. Every day, I find immense joy and pride in guiding my three daughters through their journeys. I deeply believe that it’s my responsibility to provide them with the support, wisdom, and love they need to grow into strong, independent individuals. My commitment to them drives me to be the best version of myself, continually learning and evolving, so I can offer them the guidance they deserve. Being their dad is truly the greatest privilege I could ask for.

What one piece of advice would you give someone contemplating a mentor relationship?

Before embarking on a mentor-mentee relationship, I highly recommend engaging in a thorough self-evaluation. It is essential to assess whether the knowledge and insights you have accumulated over the years are relevant, current, and accurate. Take the time to reflect on the information you plan to share and ensure it stands up to

Furthermore, it is important to approach this relationship with openness and clarity. Being transparent in your communication will foster trust and encourage a productive exchange. Be prepared to embrace challenges to your perspectives, as this is a vital part of the mentorship process. A willingness to critically examine your beliefs and the methods you employ in your practice will ultimately enrich both your experience as a mentor and the growth of your mentee.

MENTEE, CASON HIGHTOWER

do you create a successful mentor and mentee relationship?

I firmly believe that the success of a mentor-mentee relationship hinges on clear and effective communication. For a mentor, it is essential to have a deep understanding of the mentee’s current educational background and professional status. This means assessing their skills, knowledge, and experiences rather than making assumptions about what the mentee may or may not know.

On the other hand, the mentee should feel a sense of trust and openness in their interactions with the mentor. It is crucial for the mentee to feel comfortable asking questions, seeking clarification on complex topics, and discussing their career aspirations. They should also feel empowered to communicate concerns about taking on additional responsibilities, ensuring that both parties can engage in a constructive dialogue about growth and development.

Fostering an environment of mutual respect and understanding can significantly enhance the effectiveness of the mentoring process, benefiting both the mentor and the mentee.

Why you should be looking for a mentor?

Everyone, regardless of their age or career stage, should have a mentor. A mentor is more than just someone from whom you can learn; they are a person you can bounce ideas off, someone who can help you make informed decisions, and a resource for expanding your network.

I have had many mentors throughout my life. For instance, during my college years, my professors acted as mentors. Many had the careers I aspired to and offered invaluable advice that I applied outside the classroom. After college, I moved to Washington, D.C., and worked on Capitol Hill. My boss became a mentor, as did Lesley Witter, the Senior Vice President of Advocacy for NFDA. Lesley has some of the most valuable relationships in Washington, and she provided me with excellent career advice while introducing me to people who helped expand my network and build my confidence.

When I returned to my hometown to work at our family-owned funeral home, my dad emphasized the importance of seeking community mentors. He believed connecting with experienced individuals could provide valuable insights and guidance in my personal and professional life. I began to actively reach out and establish relationships with various professionals from various industries within the community. Each of these mentors shared a genuine passion for service and a commitment to positively impacting our town. Through their encouragement and support, I was introduced to numerous organizations and initiatives that allowed me to become more actively involved in the community. Whether volunteering for local events or participating in workshops, these experiences enriched my understanding of the community’s needs and values.

Throughout my journey in the funeral service industry, my father has consistently emphasized the importance of building relationships with other professionals in the field. He has encouraged me to engage with fellow funeral directors, learn from their experiences, and gain insights into their successes and challenges. One individual who has significantly influenced my career is Bob Arrington, whom I consider a valuable mentor. His expertise and guidance have given me a deeper understanding of the profession.

However, my parents have had the most profound impact on my personal and professional growth. Their unwavering support and wisdom have shaped my values and work ethic. I feel incredibly fortunate to collaborate with them daily and often turn to them for advice and perspective. Their experience in the funeral service has equipped me with practical skills and instilled in me a sense of compassion and commitment to serving our community.

What to consider when you’re looking for a mentor?

When searching for a mentor, it is essential to select someone at a career stage that aligns with your aspirations. This means looking for someone with the success or expertise you hope to attain in your career. Additionally, it is crucial to ensure that your potential mentor has the time and willingness to invest in a productive mentor-mentee relationship. This includes being available for regular meetings and discussions.

A good mentor should also be able to offer constructive and honest feedback, helping you identify your strengths and areas for improvement. Their guidance can be invaluable in your professional development. Furthermore, choosing a mentor who genuinely supports your goals and ambitions is beneficial, as it provides encouragement and helps you navigate challenges. A positive and supportive relationship will foster your growth and confidence as you progress in your career.

How to make the most of a mentor’s guidance?

Your relationship must be intentional to get the most out of your mentor’s guidance. Start each conversation with a specific goal in mind. Practice clear and honest communication and share your challenges and concerns. Be open to receiving constructive criticism; try not to take it personally. Instead, internalize the feedback and learn from it.

How to build a great relationship with a mentor?

In November 2020, I lost one of my mentors, J.T. Wright. J.T. was my mentor, a dear friend, and a source of encour agement. Like many others, he took me under his wing and invested in my growth, for which I will be forever grateful. J.T. always ensured that we promoted our core values in everything we did. It was these values that connected us.

I was the youngest member when I joined the Carrollton Dawnbreakers Rotary, and J.T. was the oldest. You might not think we would have much in common, but we quickly learned this wasn’t the case. Our mutual passion for serving the community, our determination to provide every child in foster care with an advocate in the court system through the work of Carroll County CASA, and our desire to build “good will and better friendships” forged a strong friendship.

J.T. was a man of great values and principles. I will always be grateful for the lessons he taught me, his encouragement (even when I should have been the one encouraging him), and the unconditional love he showed to his friends and community. We focused on the shared values that united us, which helped us build a meaningful relationship I will always cherish

Should a mentorship be informal or formal?

I believe that both formal and informal mentor-mentee relationships play essential roles in personal and profes sional development. Formal relationships, often established through structured programs, provide clear guidelines and expectations, allowing for focused goals and accountability. On the other hand, informal relationships tend to be more flexible and spontaneous, fostering a more relaxed environment for open communication and organic learning.

Regardless of the type of relationship, the success and effectiveness of mentoring depend largely on the effort and commitment that both parties are willing to invest. Building trust, maintaining regular communication, and being open to feedback are all essential components of a productive mentoring experience. Ultimately, the relationship will thrive based on each participant’s mutual dedication and engagement.

What are the most important responsibilities of a mentee?

I believe the most crucial responsibility of a mentee is to demonstrate eagerness to learn and grow. This involves coming to each conversation with thoughtful questions reflecting their interests and goals. Mentees should actively engage with their mentor by practicing active listening, fully concentrating on what the mentor is saying, reflecting on it, and responding thoughtfully. This shows respect for the mentor’s time and wisdom ensuring that the mentor feels valued. By fostering a positive and respectful dynamic, mentees can maximize the benefits of the mentoring relationship.

What advantages (or disadvantages) are there in being a mentee to one of your parents?

I believe there are significant advantages to having a parent as a mentor, particularly in how my dad has supported me throughout my life. Long before we began working together daily, he played a crucial role in my personal and professional development. He knows me better than anyone else, allowing us to communicate openly and honestly about various topics, whether personal challenges or professional aspirations

One of the defining characteristics of our relationship is my trust in him. I truly appreciate that he always has my best interests at heart in everything he does. His ability to provide honest opinions and advice is invaluable, as he approaches each situation with care and insight.

As we work together, my dad can give me critical feedback that helps me grow. I value this feedback because I know it comes from a place of love and experience, which allows me to receive it without taking it personally. Unlike traditional mentor-mentee relationships, ours tend to be more informal, given that we are father and daughter. This informal dynamic can create a comfortable environment but also presents some challenges. For instance, the lines between professional feedback and personal interactions can sometimes blur

Overall, while our unique mentor-mentee relationship has advantages and disadvantages, I believe the depth of understanding and firm foundation of trust we share ultimately enhance my experience and growth in my personal life and career.

What one piece of advice would you give someone contemplating a mentee relationship?

If you are considering establishing a mentor-mentee relationship, I recommend not just seeking one mentor but several, each in different areas of your life. For example, you might find a mentor at your workplace, another through a civic organization, and one from your church. Having multi ple people to support and encourage you on your professional journey can be incredibly beneficial.