Enhancing the Sensory Funeral Experience

When my husband and I recently drove by the remains of the old Best Western Hotel, a desolate, condemned building that sits down the road from my funeral home on our way to church, I was hit with a powerful memory that invoked all five of my senses, bringing me back to happy times with my late great-grandmother. I was flooded with a vivid image of her, my grandmother, and me having a special post-church breakfast. I could see the look on my great-grandmother’s face when she reminded me that I needed to be quiet if I wanted to get that special meal after church. I could just hear her singing along with the hymns. I was just overwhelmed with memories of the scent and taste of the Best Western omelets as I recalled my ten-year-old fascination with the omelet station. This moment sparked a realization: using all our senses can be incredibly powerful when we generate memories.

ENHANCING THE FUNERAL SENSORY EXPERIENCE
Do you remember the pattern of the decedent’s shirt at your last funeral or even its color? Do you remember what your grandmother was wearing at her funeral? What senses are we as funeral directors overlooking in the funeral experience? How can we use our senses in the funeral home? Before exploring each sense individually, we can recognize that grief itself is not just an emotional or cognitive in nature but profoundly sensory. The bereaved do not simply “think” about their loved one; they remember how they looked, how they sounded, how they smelled, and how it felt to be near them. Within the funeral industry, our focus is on sight, and the creation of the last memory image, yet funerals can be a more fully immersive experience. The lack of sensory engagement within funeral services limits the depth of connection and memorialization that families could achieve during the mourning process, so intentionally activating the senses can create opportunities for memories to surface more vividly and authentically.

SMELL

How many funeral homes incorporate scent into the preparation of the deceased? How often are families asked to provide a loved one’s perfume or cologne? Smell has a powerful connection to memory. For example, the scent of saltwater brings me back to the moment my husband proposed at sunrise on the beach. The smell of Italian cookies reminds me of my post-church stops with my great-grandmother. While we routinely discuss hair and makeup with families, we rarely consider how their loved one will smell. Scent is a powerful sense. It is capable of stimulating feelings, behaviors, and memories. Yet, many funeral directors only address scent when an odor needs masking, rather than evoking memory and connection. Though the funeral home is often connected to the smell of flowers, opportunities to add scents elsewhere are abundant, such as using different scents on the deceased along with candles or essential oils in other rooms. Scent does not have to be overwhelming, where a room is drenched with a particular smell. Rather, scent can be light and subtle, just enough to notice without causing headaches or sensitivities among funeral attendees. Amidst concerns about attendee sensitivity, displaying a beloved scent with perfume testing strips for individuals to take with them would provide an alternative. When used thoughtfully, scent can quietly anchor a person in a meaningful memory in which words are unnecessary.

TOUCH

How many funeral attendees hesitate to touch their loved one’s hands? Human beings thrive on connection, and touch is one of its most fundamental expressions. Encouraging appropriate opportunities for touch within the funeral setting is vital, which may include holding the hands of the deceased or offering a final kiss. Both can provide meaningful physical connection. When we bring families and attendees into the service room, we must encourage the family, when possible, to touch a hand or give a kiss. When direct contact is not possible due to circumstances of death or disposition, there are comforting alternatives. Intentional “touch points” can include memory tables to which families are encouraged to bring religious or other personal items to be handled rather than just observed. Such an interactive display can deepen engagement and foster connection. Moreover, low-cost items like healing stones can be provided by the funeral home, allowing families to take one to hold or touch during the service, which allows them to feel grounded and can enhance the total sensory experience. Such small actions allow mourners to participate actively rather than to just passively observe.

HEARING

Though we can no longer hear our loved ones in real time, we live in an era in which many people have recordings that preserve their voices. Incorporating videos into memorial services allows families to hear and share those voices long after death. Another video and sound opportunity is during prearrangements. Perhaps, like Eric Dane’s Netflix special, only to be released after his death, funeral homes can encourage clients to record videos and messages to be stored within their prearrangement files and shared during the funeral service. Music is equally powerful. Tailoring music selections to reflect the decedent’s preferences creates a deeply personal experience that can also allow families to actively participate in the planning process. In my funeral
history course, I ask students to complete a funeral planning document. One question asks about desired music selections, which is almost always answered, often with thoughtfully curated playlists.

TASTE

How many people have eaten “funeral potatoes”? How many family recipes have been passed down through generations? Taste, like the other senses, can evoke strong emotional memories. When I taste an omelet, I am often transported back to those special Best Western breakfasts. Entire books and resources are dedicated to cultural and religious traditions. Such resources emphasize the role of food in mourning and remembrance, from the beans used in Ancient Greece and Rome, to comfort food seen in the South of the United States, to the Koliva used within Orthodox mourning traditions. Food can be integrated into the funeral experience in modest yet meaningful ways. It could be as simple as providing a bowl of the decedent’s favorite candy, which can create a powerful connection. A single Werther’s candy might instantly transport someone back to a memory of a grandparent, or the taste experience could be more elaborate, having space for families to gather and share a post-funeral meal, complete with traditional mourning foods, along with foods important to the deceased or family.

SIGHT

We often discuss the benefits of open-casket funerals with families, following Worden’s tasks of mourning, which allows families to face the reality of death, to have a dedicated time and space to express emotions, and to receive comfort and support. But how often do we talk about the importance of the visual narrative of the decedent? We encourage families to confront the reality of loss and create a final memory, but do we intentionally provide adequate distraction-free time, when families are guided to truly look at their loved one in every small detail and imprint that image in their memory? Too often, they are so preoccupied in preparing for guests, managing logistics, creating the program, or attending to the service details that they become frazzled, distracted, or overwhelmed during the viewing time. Likewise, many attendees simply pass by the casket with only a brief
glance before moving on to speak with the family or to look at photos. How many people notice the small details, like the pattern on their loved one’s shirt? As funeral directors, we can explain the importance of having the family take the time to view their loved one. An item as simple as a sign posted at the entrance of the chapel can explain the importance of viewing them and paying attention to small but memorable details. Also, sight-based opportunities are present within the design of the viewing rooms and chapels within the funeral home. Lighting, color choices, and placement of personal items all influence how the deceased is perceived and remembered. The type of light, along with its color and brightness, can vastly affect individual perceptions and feelings. Displaying photographs or tribute videos from different life stages can help attendees experience the contrast between the stillness of death and the vibrancy of life. Personalized items and visual details, such as a favorite blanket, a jersey, or a handcrafted treasure, can transform the viewing from a passive observation into a meaningful recognition of identity and personality.

CONCLUSION
Enhancing the sensory experience of funerals provides an opportunity not only to immerse families in a meaningful experience but also to increase their involvement in the funeral planning and grieving process. As a society, we are experiencing a decline in participation in death rituals. More and more families are bypassing the experience completely. By explaining the importance of, and incorporating sensory elements, we can create more opportunities for family participation, engagement, and personalization of services. As funeral professionals, we are uniquely positioned to guide families through one of the most significant transitions of their lives. Our approaches also demonstrate our ability to individualize services, something that strongly resonates with younger generations who are moving away from traditional funeral rites and encompassing more alternative and humanistic approaches. The inclusion of these elements starts with the arrangement conference and the meaningful conversations about the loved one with the family. Such conversations provide insight into the life of the decedent and how they left a lasting impact on their friends and family, which also helps to create a positive relationship between the funeral director and the client family. These arrangements are built on trust and true interest in the decedent and their life, which demonstrates that the family is not simply another case within the funeral home. The incorporation of the small elements of the decedent’s life allows the family to feel heard, understood, and cared for in the funeral planning process. Ultimately, the moments seen, heard, touched, tasted, and smelled become the threads that families carry forward in their grief journey. Creating a personalized, sensory-rich experience allows us to connect families to grief in a deeper, more meaningful way and to create a last memory experience rather than a simple last memory image. Now, I challenge you to consider how you might enhance the sensory experience within your own funeral home. The next time you are present, truly look and notice the pattern on the decedent’s shirt. Ask families about how their loved one smelled. Consider the emotional impact of something as simple as a Werther’s candy.

Footnote: The sensory experience is derived from happiness expert and researcher Gretchen Rubin’s book Life in Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World.